Womens Relationship Advice - How to Heal a Heartbreak

Thank you for such a beautiful article. I recently experienced a very sudden break-up. One that I did not want and was not expecting. I am in so much pain...I will print this article and read it whenever I feel the extreme loss.

Hi, Erin. We know the pain of a break up can be heartbreaking, so we're very happy our article is providing you with some support. Take care.

Thank you so much. I recently had a break up and even though no one knew it, it had a huge toll on me. I thought the guy was "the one" I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, but after reading these articles, I realized that I've got to put my pieces together and move on. Thank You!

after reading this i really really do feel good. thank you so much!

Thanks. The article is a blessing to every person going through a breakup. I especially like the part that it's healthy for one to bless the other person who's broken up with you. I feel much better after doing that. Thank you...

I just wanted to say thank you for this article. I just got out of a two year relationship and have random nights when I will think about the relationship I had and just start crying and feel as though I cannot go on...and the article really helped me.

Like Erin, I just went through a heartbreaking split that was totally out-of-the-blue for me; my ex is there for me however, and being really caring. However this did not stop my pain. What was amazing was how accurate this article was on the way I am feeling. It's helped me understand I can move on. Although the memories flood my mind still, and I want him back so badly, I know I can't because things would never be the same. I must say, although my pain is not completely gone, it has been eased reading this. Thank you.

I have random bouts of isolated desperation, especially at night. This is when we need to turn to articles such as this to restore our strength and faith in the human spirit and love for ourself. Thanks for this article.

I am twenty seven years old, and I have had my heart broken after being in a two year long distance relationship. Now, when I joined my Ex, I realized so many things. He had cheated on me and even had a child. I was so heart broken that I failed to eat and even sleep for the first three days. But after reading this article, it has given me the courage to pick up my pieces and move on. I deserve better. Monica

It is so hard to let go when it has been the other person's decision, and you had no idea what was going on beforehand. It really hurts, and I am a pretty strong emotional and spiritual guy. It would be one thing if it were mutual and understandable, but it wasn't. It was sudden and very vague. She said things I had never heard her say, and it seems she is scared more than anything of the reality of our relationship and is comfortable so much so that she doesn't want to work through problems.

I am a guy, and not in my worse nightmare have I thought I would ever be this hurt. Thanks for the article. I have regained my hope but am still confused.

Hi, thanks for the wise comments. I particularly treasure the paragraph on locating the love within myself. This is something that I know is worth striving for with or without the pressure of a heartbreak. I am currently going through a severe grieving process about the loss of a partner I really wanted. So far it's been three months and it seems that it's still at it's hight of pain. I have found it helpful to feel my pain as intensely as I can and to not avoid any nuance of it. It's tough, but like Winston Churchill points out "If you're going though hell, keep going..." So here I am going. Anyone who'd like to share their experience with me about this, please do.

Annie, I read your message and see that its so new. I too have just experienced such a great great loss. My partner and I were to marry this weekend and he called me from London England where we have been living and said he is not coming for the wedding. He doesn't want to marry me. I am so lost and so devastated and feel like the grief is over whelming. I am shocked and numb at the same time. I am lucky that my family is so supportive here, and I will not return to England but will find my peace here. I think it's best for us to be around people who understand and limit speaking to people who are experiencing the same thing right now. Otherwise together your pain stays and stays as you brood together. Being with people who have gone through it and can understand it is better then being around someone else who needs to have their pain heard. I am sorry you are going through this and would never wish this pain on anyone. May you be blessed with the power of time to heal. Love and kisses and heartfelt sympathy.

It is great to hear all those amazing stories, it really helps to know that other people are going through this. I too had just realized that the person I was in love with, who was also a great friend, is not really the person that I knew and loved. I am really hurt by the fact that he let me think that he loved me when he might not even know what love is. It has been two months and I just feel that the pain will never go. It is also affecting my daily activities and this is really getting me down. I am sure that all of us share something in common: the ability to love deeply with all our energy and to wear our hearts on our sleeves. My heart goes out to Ami and Annie. I really know how it feels. Perhaps it would be helpful if we could share tips on ways that could help us feel better beyond the article. Blessings to you all.

Thank you for such a great article. I recently just went through a break-up in which there was no signs of it even coming. One day everything was great two days later everything went south, and I was heartbroken. I have a lot of great friends that are supporting me through this process. It totally took everything out of me. All I wanted to do was sleep, because when I was awake I'd cry and cry. He's trying to be caring but how can you except this from someone that broke your heart for another girl. It has only been a couple of days but I am going to use your strategy and love myself and move on. Thanks again.

My boyfriend and I broke up two days after our 4 months, 4 days before my birthday and the day of commencement. He preferred his best friend over me. I was always afraid of him loving her again. He started to which hurt to find out, and perhaps I was controlling because of it, but now I have lost him, and It's my second day crying. I avoided relationships and heartbreak until this year, the year I graduate, and I think it wasn't a smart thing to do. I'm trying to heal, I left on a bad note because It hurt, but now I'm trying to fix it today by having a talk with him, and explaining my actions. I wish so much that we could be together again, but I don't think I could love him the same way after he hurt me so much. I haven't exactly been able to have the time to cry by myself, and so it's making the hurt last longer. I'm so glad there's only 5 days of school left, I didn't hurt this much when my mom died. Every time I think I'm fine, I burst into tears and I haven't been sleeping or eating much, so I keep thinking "it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved" and reading your article. I hope I heal soon and start loving myself.

Thanks so much for your article. I have been going through the loss of a relationship with some-one I loved very much and this article is very grounding. I have found that the best thing to do with the grief, apart from shedding those long unending tears, is to sing about the feelings, write poems and meditate on energies which usher in peace your heart. "The heart loves happy expression," and in between the tears if you get up, smile and sing for a little, the soul gets a little lighter. Something which has helped me arrive at a greater acceptance is by understanding that when we cross paths with people it is to bless one another. When two people's journey's go in different paths perhaps it is to bless others and be blessed by others. Love is something to share, there is plenty to go around. As Neil Young sings, "Lover, there will be another". And there will. Of course there will be another. My heart goes out to everyone who has written a response to this website. Our hearts may be broken but they are still whole. Peace and Love to you all and God bless during your heart-storm, Elizabeth.

Hi Elizabeth, Thank you for your uplifting words. They touched my heart.

Hi, I liked the article. It helped when I read the sentence, "A loved one is not going to come back cause your hurt so badly." I had to read that over an over again then I realized that's true. I've been hurting so bad for three weeks straight and now when I feel lonely I can just think about that.

Thanks so much for all of these comments. It can be so isolating sometimes when we experience the loss of someone we have loved. Some days I do better than others, but there is still a lot of hurt. I very much like the blessings idea, and I keep cheering myself with music, certain songs and words really help me smile. I think he wasn't right for me, but the familiarity is what I miss. I think there will be someone who is more right for me, and now concentrating on my work and passions is what is getting me through. Good luck and blessings to everyone who visits.

Hi there, I have been really touched by reading the heartfelt stories of so many people who have experienced heartbreak. I myself am going through a painful heartbreak at the moment too. Unfortunately, things haven't gone the way I wished. I too thought he was the one, the one for me. It felt like it anyway. We met 16 years ago when he was dating somebody else, and I was ever so hesitant to get involved although he initiated it. Later on I regretted it. He eventually married that girl and after loosing touch for more of the last 16 years, he came back to my life on a Valentine's day and this time I thought my time has arrived. How could he not love me if he still remembered me after all these years. However, to cut a long story short, as he let me down 16 years ago, he did the same 16 years after. That's why it hurts so much. It feels so unfair, to say the least. So what do I do? I am trying to see beyond the illusion of the pain, and learn something from this experience. Maybe to not be such an incurable romantic any more.I do not regret for opening my heart to him and taking a chance, but I still need more time to heal and become more wise and stronger person. I will take on board the suggestions for lighting the heart, with music and play. Also about that idea of the letting go blessings even though you are not included in the life of that person you loved the most! Finally, finding in yourself the beauty that you found in those you loved and lost. Love and Light and many blessings.

Your article was so beautiful. I am currently experiencing the pain of a break up. We had problems during the course of our relationship; however, I was not aware that we were at this point. At one point during our relationship, just 2 weeks ago, we both wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of our lives together. I began to feel like something wasn't right, and I started looking for things, bad idea. I discovered that my ex had not been faithful and had a huge problem with being honest about it. Rather than deal with the situation at hand when confronted he decided to turn on me and told me, I had ruined things. We broke up only weeks before a long waited eight day trip we had been planning.

My fiance ended our relationship yesterday. I am beyond devastated. Although it feels like the pain will never end, I am encouraged by this article. Thanks for sharing.

Your article is just wonderful and can't find words enough to describe the soothing effect it had over me. My girlfriend and I broke up around 1 year back after supporting each other emotionally for 1 year, but somehow the separation pain was so intense that everything around the horizon got blurred and life was an agony. But even now I can't get it out of my system and in times of stress those memories have a way of popping out from nowhere, and I get so depressed that I keep thinking of those moments when we were together. She always completed me and there was no one else whom I could even imagine take her place. Often I comprehended about the extreme step but then backed away from it when I thought about my family who are very supportive. Reading these heartfelt experiences has made me realize that we all have faced these challenges if others with those severe heartbreaks have cleansed it out of their system then so can I. May god bless everyone here and I am going to turn a new leaf in my life a new chapter where I can feel the sun shinning through brightly and clear the fog from my vision. Chiao

Why is it that the person you love most, is the same person that will hurt you? We've been together for 9 years. I was with a guy that I'm not quite sure of what we are, we were not committed but we stuck together, and just recently, he wanted us to be just friends. No more romantic side. Is it possible to be just friends with someone you used to be involved with? We knew each other, inside and out, even the deepest secrets that no one can ever know. We were a match made in heaven. I just don't know how to handle something that I was so accustomed to. It's like brushing my teeth everyday, then one morning the toothpaste is gone in the world forever. That's how vital he was. But why is it so easy for him to just let go? Year 2005, Christmas eve, he dumped me for another, ouch. The girl didn't really like him. Year 2006, my birthday, he didn't show up at my party because he was so into a group date with a girl he likes, ouch again. Now in 2008, it's my birthday again, and he's shutting me off again. Because he's liking someone in his workplace. Why does he love breaking up on Christmas and birthdays? Aren't those occasions suppose to be festive? Why does he always have to go. I grieve, then he comes back, and I take him back again. I want to stop feeling like a yo yo on a string. I wanna stop feeling that I'm just second best. I want to shout, I want to be mad. But I really can't because apart from the three breakups, all he did was be good to me, he treated my family right, and he would always be there for me because he's also my best friend. I'm so confused. I need help. Is it worth it to end the friendship because of all the hurt he has given me? I want to keep the friendship, but I can't stand seeing him because it makes it more painful. I just wanted to be treated right. But one thing is for sure. He will never ever completely commit to me, because I wasn't really able to do that too for the nine years of togetherness. He's my one and only in thought, in spirit, but in reality, I cannot be, because I am married to someone else, who forced me to marry him. I thought that the "9year guy" will be my salvation. Will be the one to save me from the murky life that I am still living in. But, I guess nine years is also too long for him to wait. He needs a normal life too, not attached on any string and that's maybe why he wanted to let me go. To find a girl who he can truly call his own, and I will just forever dream that it's me and that it has always been me.

You know when you're in a relationship, the last thing you think about is the pain your love one could cause you. Sometimes you're so desperate to hold on, to have any part of them, that you stick around even when you know you're just digging yourself in deeper into a dangerous hole. My boyfriend of two and a half years dumped me out of the blue three months ago. I have never been so shattered in my life. I was angry and confused. See he was my first love and the first and the only guy I'd ever been intimate with. And then he just walked away. And at a time when I needed him the most too because I was going through a lot with my family. Anyway, after it all died down, I swallowed my pride and called him. I told him I still wanted to work things out and that I think what we had was too special to just give up on. Surprisingly, he agreed to meet, and we started seeing each other quite regularly, as friends at first, until one day he kissed me out of the blue and one thing led to another. The same thing has been happening over the last few weeks, and even though deep down I knew this wasn't the way, I managed to convince myself that if we were being intimate then that meant something. But he was never really forthcoming. I was the one putting all the effort into the relationship. I tried everything to make him happy, to make us work, and a lot of the time, he never even thanked me. This I see only in retrospect of course. Still I kept on, until a few days ago I suggested we go somewhere for a day, and he totally freaked out. I realized then that he saw that trip as too much like a "relationship", too much of a commitment, and I realized, he didn't want to move forward with me. He talked around it, tried to save face and remain the "good guy", giving every good reason but the truth as to why he had reservations about the trip. As you can imagine, the realization that the past few weeks had meant nothing to him was so heartbreaking for me. He dumped me again, last night, citing "claustrophobia" as a reason. According to him, every time he thinks about doing any of the normal things that a man does for a woman, for me, he just feels suffocated. And with all that I've done for him? I felt so dumb, so angry and hurt. I know I'll be okay, but right now, the world is a dark place. I'm terrified. I am so scared of the future. I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust anyone again, or really let anyone in, let alone give my body to another man. I just read your article though, and I realise that this too shall pass, I just have to focus on the positive. And focus on healing my spirit. I have the support of my friends and knowing that they're there really means a lot to me. I want to forgive him too, they say not being able to forgive is like drinking poison expecting the other person to die. He's caused me enough pain already, I won't drink his poison. I deserve better.

Thank you for this article. I searched the web for something to make sense and give me hope. I am three weeks into the most intense break up. I have never cried like this in my life. The pain is beyond anything I can describe. I think I have allowed the hole he has left in my life to eat me up, and I take comfort from this article when it says 'the time for grieving is over and we must take other action for healing to occur'. I am doing my best but it so hard. Life will be good again.

I know the pain will ease and I will feel better. I am quitting smoking and my four yr. relationship has ended. I feel the loss for both. This is the worst cold turkey ever. But, I have to say. I understand cold turkey. There is no communication and I cannot see him or bump into him. If I want a cigarette I can just go to the store. But, I have not. I clean my house, I walk around the lake. I had a bath and even a nap. I got up and feel like I was hit by a truck. The tears hit when I least expect them. My mind keeps wandering back to what was, or what could have been. I hate this agony. I know it will pass. I know I will be get better. I know I have to feel the sadness, the loss, the anger, all of it. I just didn't know I would be consumed by it. I guess my grieving isn't over yet. I miss the emails the phone calls the time together talking. I just miss my friend. I guess what I wonder is does he grieve me? I think it is easier to leave than to be the one left behind. One day I will wake up and get through a day without a thought of him. I hope it is soon. I am afraid to go forward in someways. It is all so foreign. The dating scene, yuck. It just all seems so risky. Putting myself out there one day, only to be hurt. It scares the hell out of me all of this does.

Like many of you, I have been trying to find something to help me understand what I am going through. I am not sure what is worse, being dumped out of the blue or seeing it coming and not being able to do anything. I have been dating my boyfriend for fifteen months now, and even though we both have put a lot into the relationship. I was always patient and talked him into working things out. I have always known he is not sure about us, but he doesn't want to let me go, and sometimes when you really love someone, you're willing to overlook things, and that's what I do. We are really good friends, and the closeness we share helped us to get through two or three break ups, every time because he doesn't think he loves me as I deserve. But we ended up deciding that we can try, that maybe this time it will be better. I had to move out of the states for professional reasons, I will be abroad for a year, and I wish I could know we are going to make it through, that this year apart will make us stronger and make it clear for both of us. I know I love him with every single piece of my heart and that I would do anything for him. But I can sense the frustration in his voice, I can see him getting farther and farther, and I feel it is just a matter of time for him to bring it up, and go back to the point where he doesn't know if we are right for each other. And this time, I won't be able to do anything to keep him with me. Ouch it hurts. I am trying to prepare my heart for it, and it's becoming an agony. I think that it will be better to end it from my side, but I just don't have the strength to let him go.

Reading all your comments and article helps in knowing we all suffer heartbreak. I would rather have a gaping wound than heartache. I have suffered twice in two years. I still grieved my partner, who I was with for ten years, and fell out of love with. Then I met a 'bad boy' who I thought a nice decent girl could change. By God that was a life lesson. He hurt me more in one year than my ex ever did in ten. He has pestered me after our break up and we have been off and on since sleeping together. Then I recently find out he has been seeing someone else while having slept with me. The anger and hurt has been indescribable. How do you get over the bitterness of someone hurting you so badly when you only gave them love and respect. He doesn't want me and yet he pestered me while seeing someone else. I had a missed call from him late one night. I know it gets better and anyone reading these comments will know that with time. Blessings to all going through it I wish fast healing to you all.

I have been feeling lost and empty over my breakup with my ex, it hasn't been easy, I want to know if something is wrong with me? I have been in a long distance relationship for the past two and a half years now, it has been great until he stop calling and not taking my calls, from time to time he would call or text a message, but it was nothing like before. He is now in the same country I am in, and we went out the first days after he got here. He says that he does not want a serious relationship, and I have to many expectations that he can't fulfill. Only God knows how much I am fighting deep down for it to work out, it hurts so badly. I know that I am suppose to move on with my life and be strong for myself and I am trying, but at times I get so weak.

I've been in a relationship that I thought would last for a life time. Then good times suddenly disappeared when he called me on Christmas Day to end our relationship. I asked him what was wrong, but he give me no answer. I later learned how to accept things with the help and guidance of God, and the strength from my family and friends. And this coming year he is getting married and yet the pain is still here in my heart. The only thing I learned is to accept it and move on. Enjoy life.

Hi Anne, it is very hard to accept and move on but it is something that you know you must do. It is time for you to rebuild your life and go down a different path from what you had first envisioned but it will get better.

Hi, I'm really young but my boyfriend and I just broke up yesterday. We were dating for two years and a few months. Although I'm young, I really thought I would spend the rest of my life with him. I have not gotten out of my bed and every time I open my mouth to speak to someone I cry. This article really helped me to realize I need to move on. I feel like I might never heal but this article gives me more hope then I had before. Thanks.

I just ended a year relationship with this guy. He was my first everything. He took my virginity and he was my first boyfriend. At first everything was amazing; he made me feel so special. He told me he reminded me of his first love who passed away. He never introduced me to his family, and I became suspicious so I did some research and found out he was married and had a child. He manipulated me into thinking that he was just "legally" married for papers and the kid. So I stayed even after talking to his wife. He was recently putting me down saying I could never do better and every other guy only wants to have sex with me like I'm their whore. He called me fat, and I'm 100 pounds at 5'3. He also said I'm a nasty Jew. He is never with me on holidays. He always tells me I'm a bad girlfriend even though I do so much for him like spend money that I do not have on him. He always accuses me of having sex with other guys when he is the only guy Ive ever had sex with or have eyes for. On my birthday yesterday he decided to go to a club without me so I broke it off. He text and called me when he was drunk and today he wrote me that he was thankful for having me and then when I didn't write back he told me to go die. I don't need someone like this, and I know that I will find someone who loves me and respects me. It will take time, but I hopefully will heal. I have a lot of hope. I don't need a man to put me down. This article really helped me. Thank you.

The article was very helpful and reading the comments. I to just had a breakup and don't know why. Just left after two years and no explaining. He doesn't know how to communicate. I forgave him for things because in the beginning things happen. Everybody is trying to get to know each other etc. This is not he first time he has acted like this but normally we talk after a few things. Breaks ups are the worse and especially when you don't know why. You are left alone confused and angry. I am glad I read the article about how to cope better. I hope everybody heals real soon.

It was 2 weeks ago that the one I loved and was with for 3 years told me that he wanted to see other people because he was not sure if we should spend our lives together. I have been in longer relationships than that in the past, but this is so much worse. I thought we were going to get married, have a future, and we even lived together. Picking up the pieces is devastating. He is already dating someone and that makes it so much more heartbreaking. Thank you for this post, it gave me a reason to stop crying for a while and think about my own future.

I was with someone for almost 7 years. We lived together, loved each other, had plans for our future. We got in an argument about a month ago, and he told me wanted a "break." It was the type of argument that we have had before a time or two, were we fought, then cooled off and worked through it, because that's what you do. I thought this time would be the same. I was wrong. He told me he loved me but he isn't sure if he is in love with me. I felt like I was slammed in a brick wall. It came out of nowhere. Only a few weeks before that we talked about when we would get married. I would have done anything for him. I am now stuck in a small town in nowhere, his hometown, only to be constantly reminded of him. I know I should move on, but I can't. I've lost all faith in love. Will this ever stop hurting?

Hi Ash, it was a good thing you found out before you were married. I know it hurts a great deal right now, but you need to believe in yourself and realize that you deserve better.

I've been feeling so lost lately. I was with my husband for 5 years, and we lived together and then we split up in Dec. 08 then got back together the beginning of June. We could not go on everyday because he accused me of maybe being with someone else, but yet I was too busy. I was heartbroken from Dec. to June and after we realized it just was not going to work on July 2nd of this year he just walked out of my life saying I can't be with you on a text message. This happened while I was at work. I was devastated thinking I finally got over him, when I was without him for 6 months and he kept calling telling me he wanted to come home. And when I finally let him, I was happy he was home but he told me all he could see was me and another guy and he just wasn't into me so he left. But I think it was another woman for him because he would put his phone on silent and he was so mean to me and called me ugly and told me no other man will ever want me. Now I'm in pain all over again, but I read your article and other peoples stories and I realized I'm not the only one dealing with pain in my life, and I'm happy to say I have faith now, and I know I can move on and I deserve someone better who will love me for who I am, for me. "God makes things happen for a reason especially if something is bad, because he has something better in store for you. It may not happen asap but it surely will happen somewhere in you future." So, thank you so much for helping others with there heartbreaks.

I had a recent breakup and I was doing fine until I saw him. I was on a date and he was out with his friends. I don't know what happened, but I feel terrible. I've been crying for days. Before him I had been married. He helped me through the separation. He was my angel. This changed with time, he became the meanest most selfish person I know. I know he will treat me bad if I take him back, but I still can't seem to get over him. It gives me hope to see how many ladies are going through what I'm going through. I will follow the advice given in this article and hope for the best. Thank You.

My ex and I have been together for a little over two years, he was married before but for a month to his ex wife but after their divorce they were still messing around and they had a child which he claimed she was using against him, and I did witness some of this, anyway there was verbal abuse from him and I took this as him trying not to take me seriously or fall in love with me. I was with him this past weekend and he said he was going to remarry his ex wife and I don't know if that is true because I often spoke on his relationship with his ex wife in regards to spending time with the child, she probably saw me as a big threat and gave him an ultimatum, and I am ousted after he spent time with me and my child along with his other son. It feels like there is no end to my suffering right now. Today I smiled, but at times I just break out in tears filled with grief. I wonder if he is thinking about me as I am longing for our conversation. I have been through a lot with this guy and he seemed to make everything alright. I also learned that when it seems like you are going through so much in life, God is showing favoritism, there will be something meant for you and you will appreciate it finally. The thing that messes me up is that he tries to use religion as a means to distance himself from me. I grew up in the church, God is still working on me, but if you really have intentions of marrying your ex and be a family with her and her other kids as well according to God, he did not put away the notion of ever seeing me or talking to me again. So I don't know if he thinks I will be here in case he wants to come back when it doesn't work out. She was your ex for a reason, or he wants things to calm down with her so he can have the peace of being in his child's life comfortably without courts. Maybe I am in denial too, but I bought almost everything he told me. I am gonna take this time to get closer to God for the sake of me and my child and hopefully I don't have to endure this again, I thought that I had something he needed and wanted. He talked about all my qualities. We spent endless amounts of time together, we lived together longer than he was living and married to his wife, and I came long after that and he had another girlfriend as well as he married on her and went back to her shortly after he divorced his wife. Guess he wants to continue the cycle again, but I have to break it. Rejection hurts so bad and to know that the person you fell so hard for does not want you at all, that they would rather hurt you anyway they can so they can make themselves feel happy and do what they want to do. You treat people so bad but you thank God so much and you incorporate Him in your life as well only to do evil deeds. I am trying to forgive him, because he hurt everybody. I guess he feels like he has hurt the other woman so much and she has control over him although he is a fool about his kids. I just wish it was me he chose. Even though he never spoke to me about love, he did say he loved me but not in love with me, that hurts, but at least I know that I had some type of affect in his life. I just have to love him from a distance from now on. I just can't wait until the time comes when I can call my man my husband as this woman gets to do today and so on if it lasts. Thank you for your stories and this article. Our time will come people and this will be at the back of our minds.

My boyfriend and I broke up a little over two weeks ago. At the end of the relationship I found out he lied to me for three weeks before we broke up about the way he felt because he thought he was going through a phase and didn't want to say anything about it. He said he wants to be friends because we were each others best friends. Is it possible to be friends with an ex after you break up on bad terms?

My boyfriend and I were together for 7 years, and he broke up with me in August. It's been almost 4 months, and I still feel this horrible pain. It hurts so bad. I would never in a million years wish this pain on anyone. I will try to let this article sink in, but right now the pain is so intense. I feel so alone. 

My boyfriend and I broke up two days ago. I saw it coming but I kept convincing myself he was going through a phase and it'd be OK after all. Many times I wanted to walk out, but I think I was not strong enough. I kept thinking I would be mean to walk out on him and well, eventually, he told me he wanted out. I keep beating myself up about it. I feel its my fault that he walked out but well, having friends around me has really helped me look at the bright side. Oh, and I love the point about blessing the person. I did that because I know he deserves to be happy. We all do. It hurts sometimes that I could not be the one he'd be happy and have a life with but well, I did pray that he'll be happy in all that he does and that he'll find someone to make him happy and that made me more peaceful. I'm praying God heals and restores us both. Thanks for this article it helps a lot.

This article is truly amazing. My fiance just called of our wedding and ended our relationship one month before our wedding. That was two days ago. I am devastated and lost without him. He was not even able to give me a reason except he did not love me anymore. It was completely out of the blue. It is nice to hear all these encouraging words.

I loved this guy and was in a relationship with him for four years. We both love each other very deeply. He is a guy any girl prays to God for. He has been with me in every moment of my life. We were in college together, we did a job together, we use to talk every hour in fact we just could not get enough of each other. We had dreams and wanted a future together, but it all shattered. We had to separate. Unfortunately I live in India in a community where "caste" is more important than God. Acceptance and respect in community is so important that love, dreams and hopes don't matter. What happened is our parents are against it. We tried to make them understand everything. It just didn't work. My dad threatened my mom that he would leave her if I ever went against their wishes. He blames her for my "wrong upbringing" as he puts it. So we decided not to go ahead with our relationship. It has been three days. We are not allowed to talk, mail, message or meet each other. It hurts! It is driving me mad. The pain is to much, I don't have anyone to talk to, my parents think I deserve the pain as I choose the wrong guy. I have to pretend I'm OK in front of them, but inside me it is terrible. I feel someone is stabbing my heart. I cry all the time. Even the guy is heartbroken and going through the same I know that. Please help me there is so much pain in me I can't live with it.

A few months ago the man I was with for over eight years decided we should be friends. Though we had broken up in the past this time I realized that for my own health and sanity I should move on. We did not remain friends. The past three months have been so difficult, not only was he my lover but one of my best friends. I miss our time together, the laughs, the jokes, the tears, I miss all we shared. Today I allowed myself to cry, I hadn't in a very long time. I had been waiting to wake up and be over this pain, I so need to be. In reading the article above it awoke something within. I miss him, yet I miss myself a whole lot more. I miss my walks at the lake front. I miss my trips to the used book store, I love the smell of used books. I miss my days at the coffee shop working on what I'm passionate about. I miss being happy with just me. When I lost him I felt as though I lost part of me, but I was created whole. If I ignore all that I am and all that I am capable of being how will I achieve inner peace? If I love him, should I not want him to be happy? The reality is I do, I want him to be happy and successful with our without me. So tomorrow, as I start my day I will do the things I loved to do. The things that with or without him make me smile. I read all your stories, I could not help but feel understood. I haven't shared how I'm feeling with anyone and so desperately needed too, this was my avenue. I hope that you all will find the strength from within to carry you through as I hope I do too. Something from the article really resonated with me; "Our unwillingness to release another from our lives is usually based on a perceived need to have that element in our lives, not recognizing that we already have it." The thing I loved most about Tony is his ambition, the need to strive for better, his willingness to succeed regardless of the circumstance that present themselves.

Thank you very much for the blessed article and thank you all for commenting on it, it really helps to know that I'm not alone in "here" and that others got past "this". He was my first love. My very first kiss. And we were both 20 so it was serious. Then one day he says he doesn't like me no more than a friend. I've experienced for the 10 days afterward something I couldn't have dreamed of. The pain was such and so real that my stomach had an ulcer. I had asthma attacks and I couldn't sleep more than minutes at a time because I had nightmares. My doctor got me on medication. What was happening to me? I was before a clever, good looking, confident, determined, healthy and positive girl. And now I was killing my own body for a boy. But the pain remained for days. At first I'd bring to mind the happy memories of him and me. It helped but only for brief moments than it got even worse. Every day I had a new idea on how he could love me but have some other problem which was solvable. Also made the pain worse. I started writing on a diary every time I had a thought so that it would just get out of me. It did help. And then after I couldn't bare anymore I just remembered on how cold and OK he was when he broke my heart. And I faced it, I accepted it. He didn't like me. He was gone. Not coming back. Then fortunately my friends got me back to life. We did things that like you mentioned I hadn't done before dating him. I heard so many times "You don't need him. You deserve better." that I realized I did. Not because I was special but because I had love to give. I deserved what we all deserve, someone who also loves love and above all loves us. I did what you suggested here without having read it before. I was lucky. And if anyone out there cares my advice will be to get your self the most beautiful dress you find, go out and dance till you see the joy in life, the joy in being you! And also of the one you've left, your heartbreak is there for him to be happy. I above all want that for him.

Reading this article gives me strength to look at my situation far more honestly than I have before but it is also scary. What if you are so used to being in pain and not having it is frightening? How do I take the steps to be brave enough to let go of someone that is bad for me? My life feels empty without him, better but empty. I miss the pain. And I know that sounds ridiculous but it is almost as if there is something in me that is more comfortable with pain than peace.