Womens Relationship Advice – How to Heal a Heartbreak
Weekly I receive messages from my women readers asking how to avoid break ups and ease the pain of loss of a relationship. There is nothing trivial about this pain whether the loss is from death, divorce or medical problems. Emotional loss can be compared to our reflex of doubling over when punched in the stomach. We tend to wrap ourselves around the pain in order to absorb it and protect ourselves from further harm. At some point however, we must be willing to straighten up again and move forward. What follows are some actions which can be taken to move ourselves into a positive attitude and direction again.
Allow the time for grieving. Even when the relationship has ended in anger or by personal choice, something is gone which we are accustomed to having in our lives. Allowing ourselves to acknowledge this vacancy is essential to the healing process. Denying that this lack exists only postpones the healing. Alternatively, we may continue in mourning beyond the time of our personal recuperative abilities. This can occur when we substitute pain for the person. The hole in our lives is now occupied by our hurt and letting the hurt go can seem like too much emptiness to deal with. This is an indication that the time for grieving is over and we must take other action for healing to occur.
Bless your partner and let them go. Blessing another opens up one’s own heart and allows a decent closure to the situation. We may have to reach back to memories of love in order to get past our anger in order to do this. That’s alright. If nothing else, we can understand that this person is also a child of The Most High and as such, is deserving of our blessing. This sort of blessing is our benediction upon the other, stating that they are entitled to a joyful existence even if we aren’t included in it. Granting this to the other opens us to this opportunity for ourselves. Withholding our blessing only holds us back from our healing, it does no harm to the other.
Locate what you love within yourself. A metaphysical principle is that we cannot perceive what we do already have within ourselves. So, if you have perceived a special beauty, grace or quality in your loved one that you feel you cannot do without, it also resides in you. Our unwillingness to release another from our lives is usually based on a perceived need to have that element in our lives, not recognizing that we already have it. Visualize yourself having that quality. Affirm that this quality is already yours and is now revealed. It can be surprising how our dependency on the other diminishes as we do this.
A woman has to be willing to recreate her life. The compromises of relationships usually involve giving up simple pleasures we could experience as a single person. Bring these pleasures back into your life. My advice: eat crackers in bed, play poker with your buddies and watch the movies you enjoy. This sends the message to the subconscious mind that joy and pleasure are available without the loved one. It can start the ball rolling toward a new appreciation of life based on one’s own needs. This may seem like a simple thing, but treat it as you would a magical ritual of healing. Take your 2 hour long bubblebath and practice gratitude for the freedom to do so. Take the camping trip with the guys and be glad that you need not be concerned with the consequences.
Some of the best advice I can give any women is to be honest with yourself. There are elements of your life which can be more fulfilling now that you’re alone. Don’t avoid these truths in favor of holding onto the pain. Note that if you want to deny this, you are keeping the pain close to you and it may not be for healthy reasons. Pleasant memories may be cherished, but hurt is not for cherishing. Your pain will not bring back the love. Frankly, pain is not lovable, though we may have compassion for the one suffering. A loved one will not come back to you because you are hurting so badly. This is an insufficient reason for a healthy human being to be in a relationship and if you are honest you will recognize this fact.
Life can continue in a positive direction if we are truly willing for it to do so. Taking constructive steps to move this way creates a momentum which can take off on it’s own. Life can be good again.
Famous Love Quotes:
“Everyone has inside of him a piece of good news. The good news is that you don’t know how great you can be! How much you can love! What you can accomplish! And what your potential is!”
–Anne Frank (1929-1945 German Jewish Refugee & Diarist)