Relationship Advice: Keeping Secrets in Marriage
A basic principle in metaphysics is that there is only one mind, so is it okay to keep secrets when you are in a relationship or married? This is based on the assumption that we were all created by an omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent Creator, so there’s only room for one. We can all partake of this Divine Intelligence, but when you’re dealing with omniscience (all-knowingness) any idea of separation is just an illusion.
So, if we’re all connected through this all-knowing intelligence then guess what? Secrets are a joke! Sorry, there just ain’t no such animal. You know that I know that you know, etc., etc. At some deep level of consciousness, nobody is kidding anybody.
Naturally lying falls into this same hallucinatory catagory of pretending that we don’t know exactly what’s going on and that everyone else doesn’t know exactly what’s going on with us. So, why the pretense? This is a whole lot of responsibility, understanding the needs, desires and motivations of those around us. After all, most of us have a tough enough time keeping up with our own consciousness. Besides, if we let someone we’re in relationship with keep their little secret, then common courtesy dictates that they will keep ours in return. Doesn’t it? How does this impact marriage intimacy?
This little game has been set up as a conditioned response in our species perhaps since we decided that “little old us had no idea what the problem was with that apple.” Uh huh. Yep. Sure we didn’t. What sort of miracles would occur in our lives if we decided to quit pretending? What if we quit worrying about our little secrets and lies and quit worrying about keeping quiet about others’ secrets and lies?
Any psychologist will tell you that dysfunctional families and relationship difficulties usually have as an ingredient, secrecy. Perhaps this is additional confirmation of how unnatural it is for us to try to pretend that we can keep our loved ones from understanding us, or vice versa. Modern psychology also informs us that confessing our secrets can mean a return to greater sanity and peace of mind and when married helps create marriage intimacy. Our experience will show that as we confess, our confessors are rarely surprised. They often had a “feeling” or “a hunch that something was going on”.
Relationship advice: keeping secrets is constricting to our consciousness. An interesting thing happens when we pretend that we don’t know something. We get stupid. This is an obvious side-affect. The more that I decide I don’t know, the dumber I’ll get. In my experience, we each have to work out how we want to implement a new level of truth in our relationships. The human conventions of tact and “white lies” need to be understood before one starts stepping on them. Remember that the goal always is love and it should work out just fine.
When seeking advice to relationship secrecy issues, always look into your heart and hold the other person able to step up to the plate. You may find a love relationship built on sharing our deepest secrets is a basis for marriage intimacy and trust.