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Fixing Relationships: If Only He Would Change

I receive quite a few messages from my readers who are looking at ways to fix their relationships. They state that they believe in metaphysical principles except when it comes to behaviors in their relationships. They comment that its working, "except for this or that person in my life". I have heard of everything from unsympathetic partners to vicious abusers.

In metaphysics, it is the power of our belief which determines the quality of our experience. If we are involved with someone who is hurtful to us or unwilling to hear our needs, then we are not practicing the principles of metaphysics. Perhaps the misunderstanding is in believing that we must get along with everyone. This is far from the truth.

There seems to be a wide-spread, erroneous idea that we can change our partner to be what we want, through the use of metaphysics. No. This is not what happens, nor is it desirable to try and fix a relaitonship this way. That would more closely approximate to the intentions of black magic. Even if it worked (which it doesn't), the backlash of such a negative intention would outweigh any constructive experience. We do not try to change others because that is manipulation, deceit and brainwashing. None of us has that right.

Although it is somewhat understandable why we would want to change another, "for their own good," of course, the truth is that we are viewing them as an object. This is ironic, since mostly it is women who wish to promote these changes and they would be the first to complain about being treated as less than a thinking, feeling human being. Allow the other to be who they are, and you take the same responsibility for yourself, take charge of being who you are.

If we are visualizing and affirming perfect understanding in our relationship, and have been allowing ourselves to be battered up to this point, something *will* change. Most likely, our understanding will improve to the point that we no longer need to act out being prey.

What can be tricky about bringing in the Divine to our affirmations and visualizations is that results will happen, even if they fly in the face of our favorite denials, preconceived ideas and misconceptions. Thus, we may be trying to effect a change in our partner and instead, it becomes apparent that the change that is required must come from within us.

This doesn't alter the fact that we can use relationship affirmations and creative visualizations to improve our romantic existence, our relationships with co-workers, family, etc. But refusing to use these techniques because of a problem with a partner will only impact us, not the other. Yes, perhaps your "ex" is unwilling to hear anything other than material reality while you are a psychic. That's fine. You don't have to be with him. In fact, being with him will probably not serve either of you. Metaphysics makes no claim that you must be involved with this person. However, you can use metaphysical techniques to have the best possible relationship with them as your children are growing up.

I will continue to support efforts to stay in an existing relationship in my writing for the general public. Please don't misunderstand my intention though, which supports your connection with your Higher Power even more strongly. I no more wish for you to remain in a hurtful relationship than your Higher Power would. My experience shows that in order for a good relationship to prosper, the individuals involved must be willing to love themselves. Sometimes as this self love increases it becomes evident that it has been self hatred binding them to a relationship, in which case it must end. Then, the truly loving relationship can take its place and fixing the previous relationship was really about ending it.

By Help 2006-09-24 11:00:45

Im having bad insecurity issues with myself, and its really effecting my relationship with my partner. Because I'm insecure with myself, I'm feeling insecure with her, and I have no reason to be. I don't know where to go or start with my issues so I can better my relationship.

By Admin 2006-09-24 11:10:29

First, I congratulate you on both your awareness and honesty. These attributes will serve you well on your path to discovering more inner security and confidence. Next, since you consciously don't have any reason to be feeling insecure, the reasons must be subconcsious: currently outside of your awareness. My suggestion is to begin talking to your partner and let her know what's going on--what you're experiencing more than your analysis of "why." (Often, our heads can make up a lot of "whys" that really aren't that useful.) This simple technique can be a powerful next step. See if you can get curious about this insecurity, and then dialogue (vs. debate) with your partner. See if you can add more acceptance to your awareness and honesty. See if you can start to get comfortable with feeling insecure. It sounds paradoxical, but is a very powerful method of personal growth.

By josh 2007-11-11 09:10:24

Hi my name is Josh, and I am scared that I am about to lose my girlfriend that I love dearly. She is my world, and I do not know what to do or say. We are getting evicted from our apartment, and she wants to start bar tending again. I think bar business is bad business, but she says that is the only way she can make enough money fast. I keep getting upset when ever she talks about it, and I am scared that if I keep telling her no she is going to leave. I don't want to lose this girl. I am getting ready to ask her to marry me. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. She doesn't treat me bad, and I know she loves me. She has a son and is scared that when we get a new place that bar tending is the only way to keep it. I just have a bad feeling about it. I trust my instincts that have not served me wrong yet. I have worked in the bar scene for a long time and saw nothing good come out of it thats why I do general contracting now. I just don't know what to do or say.

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