Tarot Card Reading: Creating Conscious Relationship
By Gina Rabbin
Welcome to 2005! A new year, a new beginning, a new you, a new chance to make all the changes in your life you had planned to do last year, but never got around to. What's the biggest change you want to make this year? For many of my clients, their major New Year's resolution seems to center around having the "perfect" relationship. This was certainly true for Lydia. There was one problem, however--she didn't have any idea of what "perfect" meant to her!
Lydia was very straightforward about what she wanted from our session. She wanted to know what her boyfriend intended to do about their relationship in the New Year. Before proceeding with the reading, I asked a number of questions:
What did she want him to do about their relationship?
Why didn't she ask him directly what his intentions were?
Why was she waiting for him to define their future?
Did she know what she wanted that future to be?
As I tossed these questions out at her, Lydia stared at me, doubt and confusion written plainly on her face, stammering that she didn't really know the answers.
I find that most of my clients don't have the answers to the questions above.
Considering that almost every aspect of our lives involves relationships--intimate, familial, professional, personal--shouldn't we be able to?
Isn't it important to know what our expectations are?
Shouldn't we have a clear idea of what our wishes, desires, and needs are?
Shouldn't we be able to express those needs without fear of losing the relationship?
When we enter into a relationship, shouldn't we know what we are willing to give, and what we want to receive, from the other person?
I explained to Lydia that a reading would not tell her what her boyfriend's intentions were. Only her boyfriend could do that. I suggested we look instead at what Lydia wanted from this relationship, why she was afraid to express that, and examine the victim role she had allowed herself to fall into. This new awareness would enable her to answer the questions I had asked, and would provide her the means to create the relationship she wanted.
Lydia took a moment to stop and think about what I had said. It was apparent that she was torn between the desire to simply be told what the future held in store for her, and a deeper desire to understand more about relationships. In the end, and despite her qualms, Lydia chose to continue with our session.
As is usual, while all the cards in the reading offered an important message, there were specific cards in the layout that Lydia felt especially drawn to. She took the time to study the images of each card, and to allow those images to induce certain feelings and emotions that she usually kept hidden. The Three of Swords mirrored what she was feeling about her relationship. She acknowledged that while she loved her boyfriend, she was not happy. Almost with surprise, she expressed her desire to have more of a voice in the relationship, to feel as if what she had to say mattered. She was hurt that her opinions didn't seem to be important. Taking this to a deeper level, Lydia was able to recognize that it had been her choice to remain silent. We were able to uncover the roots of this behavior when she remembered that as a child any disagreement with her parents resulted in a withholding of their love. She had learned at an early age that if she wanted to be loved, she needed to keep her thoughts and opinions to herself, and this pattern was carried into her adult relationships.
The Hanged Man then spoke to her heart. It reminded her of how important it was to take the time to remember what brought her joy and pleasure and happiness. It explained to her that sometimes, we need to be willing to turn our lives upside down in order to see what is true and authentic and of value, and what is not. Sometimes, we need to risk the loss of something we have in order to keep from losing ourselves. Lydia had long ago relinquished the true expression of herself to avoid being alone. And yet, as she contemplated this new understanding of how she had denied her true self to maintain her relationship, she was able to sense how alone she felt anyway. Taking the time to sit with her feelings, Lydia was also able to admit that this was a pattern that was woven throughout all of her relationships. In her fear of being alone, of being rejected, she had consistently acquiesced to the will and desire of others.
It was the image of the Ace of Cups that seemed to give Lydia strength and focus. From the sorrow and pain of the Three of Swords to the abundant love and joy and fulfillment of the Ace of Cups, Lydia was able to see what was possible for her. While she was aware that she had a lot of work to do--patterns to examine and behaviors to alter--she was ready to begin discovering her authentic self. Yes, there was also the fear of how this would affect her current relationship, and the fear of being alone if her boyfriend was unable to accompany her on this journey. She promised herself that she would hold close the image of the Ace of Cups, as a reminder that no matter what might be left behind, ahead of her was the happiness that had thus far seemed to elude her.
While self-inquiry is not easy, it is necessary in order to have relationships in which your values, needs, desires, and wishes are met. For Lydia, this was an integral part of resolving her relationship patterns. She needed to ask herself the questions so many people seldom ask:
Why was she in this particular relationship?
What did she want from it?
Were her needs being met?
Were her partner's needs being met?
Were both of them able to meet their fullest potential as individuals within the framework of the relationship?
Without the answers to these, and many more, questions, you are denying yourself the chance to experience, and co-create, an authentic relationship.
These are questions that can be asked about any relationship--with friends, family, business partners, and life partners. Perhaps 2005 is the time for you to make a commitment to look at the relationships in your life, ask yourself some seldom-asked questions, and be willing to create authentic relationships.
I welcome reader questions! If there is an issue you would like to see addressed in a future column, please email me at (Please note that real names of clients are never used in this column.)
Gina Rabbin is a life-long intuitive and catalyst for clarity. She helps people clarify and resolve their personal and professional issues in order to create more fulfilling and meaningful lives. Currently residing in San Francisco, CA, Gina is available for tarot card readings in person or by telephone. For more information, please visit http://www.ginarabbin.com.