Building Trust in Relationships - Relationship Problems on Control

The element of control in a romantic relationship is an insidious thing, and causes many relationship problems. Although, it is widely practiced by both sexes. A relationship which truly comes from the heart cannot survive control issues and it tears away at trust. Weekly I get a variety of emails which ask, "How can I make him/her...". "Making" someone you supposedly love do or be anything isn't part of the picture, and in fact isn't love at all. How can you expect your partners to trust one another when is is trying to contol the other. It's an effort to control something that one doesn't find lovable at all.

I also receive a variety of reasons why it's acceptable to want to change a partner's actions or demeanor in some way, for their own good, of course. Since this is a spiritually oriented site, these reasons are usually explained in terms of the unfortunate partner's lack of awareness of the "truth". I see this perception as spiritual arrogance.

Metaphysically speaking, we are each responsible for our own choices whether we are consciously aware of these choices or not. If we love "A" about our partner but detest "B", that is our choice. Many years ago Terry Cole Whittacker wrote a book with a charming title, What You Think of Me is None of My Business". We may judge the behavior of another in any way that we choose to, but spiritual law carries penalties for trying to enforce our opinions on them. At best, our efforts to change the other rarely work. At worst, it will cause a lot of relationship problems and the partnership may be destroyed.

There is something we can do however, which evades these penalties. It's called an "open-ended treatment". In this sort of metaphysical treatment we connect with our Higher Power and affirm resolution of the situation. We choose to know that the problem is resolved in whatever way is best for everyone concerned. What is important here is to truly keep it open-ended. The highest resolution of the situation could after all, include you releasing the need to change the other person! Perhaps there's a change waiting to happen within you that would serve the situation much better.

This kind of metaphysical treatment provides an overview, pulling one out of their prejudices about the matter and turns over the power to something objective and caring about the well-being of all. If you find it difficult to do this, that is your indication that an effort to control is occurring, and not love. Remember, you didn't choose to love a carbon copy of yourself, but a live human being with distinct needs and wants of their own.

If you really want to lesson problems in your relationship and build trust with your partner then let go of a need to control and find ways to be supportive of one another.

Famous Quotes: CHARACTER

"No change of circumstances can repair a defect of character."

--Ralph Waldo Emerson