Long Term Relationship Advice - Finding Your Soulmate: Part 4

Finding your soulmate brings up questions on terminology. There are different terms used to describe various aspects of the soulmate phenomenon. For the sake of simplicity I have only used "soulmate" and "soul connection". Some other terms used in this area are "twin souls", "soul contracts" and "twin flames". I don't dispute this terminology any more than I would the multiple terms for "God". Some of the feedback I've gotten from this series however, does dispute this and I apologize for any offense my choice of terms may cause.

I suspect that any argument regarding terminology occurs for the same reason that there is argument regarding the word "God" or "Love". Each of these concepts is intensely personal and the subjective experience of any one of them often feels entirely unique to oneself. In my opinion this is as it should be since these are each very special experiences. For the purpose of this column however, I'm going to keep it simple and stick with "soulmate" and "soul connection".

A great deal of the feedback concerns the differences between a soul connection and a soul mate. Many people are quite convinced that they've met their soulmate but... This is the telling point in the descriptions I've received. When the "but" concerns mutuality of experience, it's not a soulmate. I want to be very clear on this. When only one person in the relationship is interested and/or willing to pursue the relationship, it is "only" a soul connection and not a soulmate. They are both very special occurences.

Soulmates have agreements established in the past to come together and share evolutionary growth. When the connection is made, it is very difficult for either party to resist, no matter what the circumstances may be and there is a real desire for a long term relationship of some type. My advice, is a soul connection seems to also be important, but in a different way. In this instance, there is a recognition through one's soul of the other person. This recognition can be startling and sometimes quite impactful. However, pursuing a relationship tends to be fraught with difficulties of every sort imaginable. Usually the biggest difficulty of a soulmate relationship is the sheer terror which can occur from the intensity and mutuality of the experience. That calms down after awhile.

I've also been asked about severing these connections. In my experience there are two scenarios which make this necessary.

The relationship was based on a soul connection which had a finite purpose, such as learning to express love.

The soulmates (both of them) have decided that the evolutionary acceleration is too much to take and consciously choose to "put the brakes on". If allowed to halt for too long, personality issues become greater than soul issues and the relationship must wait until another lifetime.

Severing a soul connection can be a very difficult task. This is due to the fact there is a soul "indebtedness" or karma between the two individuals. In order to release or get released from such a bond requires a powerful will to do so. This is not the will to escape, but the will to finalize or achieve closure. I've worked with several people who felt trapped in such a situation and in each case it required that the individual be willing to call upon all their inner resources to fully let go. And it truly is "letting go", not getting the other to let go, no matter how much it may seem that way. Sometimes these karmic debts include being able to forgive a debt in it's entirety, or to forgive oneself for having been in debt. One must be able to do this from the soul.

This issue concludes the "Soulmate" series. The "Long Term Relationship Advice on Soulmates " column will continue though, on other topics. I'd like to thank all the people who responded so enthusiastically to this series and I hope that you enjoy upcoming topics as well and the following short poem about love.

Short Love Poems: SUDDEN LIGHT

I have been here before,
But when or how I cannot tell:
I know the grass beyond the door,
The sweet keen smell,
The sighing sound, the lights around the shore.

You have been mine before,--
How long ago I may not know:
But just when at that swallow's soar
Your neck turn'd so,
Some veil did fall,--I knew it all of yore.

Has this been thus before?
And shall not thus time's eddying flight
Still with our lives our love restore
In death's despite,
And day and night yield one delight once more?


Back to Finding Your Soulmate Part 3