Relationship Problems: The Healing of Silence

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When relationship problems and issues are pressing, there are difficulties with a loved one, you're lonely or, as happened in large measure in our country during 9/11, finding a loved one missing or dead, silence can be the best cure.

Although it is wonderful to be able to talk out our feelings, to be able to share and to connect with someone who understands what we're feeling, at some point we have to be alone with ourselves. This can be done in such a way as to help the healing happen.

When we're highly sensitized to our relationship issues and problems, we are like a large, raw, nerve ending. We may try to bury the pain, overlook it, talk through it or any number of other solutions. I suggest just being there with it.

Being in the silence is a form of silent meditation. I find it most helpful when I'm hurting. Take yourself and your wound into meditation. Be deliberately and consciously aware of the pain. If it is multi-faceted, such as the pain of loss, the pain of being alone, the pain of being a new single parent, etc., then gently focus on just one aspect. Allow it to feel whatever it is feeling. Let the pain siren howl, and the gut elevator drop 60 floors in dread. Just let it happen. This is not a thinking exercise, but an experiential one. You are allowing the emotional energy to bleed off. This isn't going to "fix" everything, but it will make it hurt less. Once that particular hurt starts to feel better, go onto the next and do the same thing. Depending on the problem, you may spend a couple of hours a day just allowing the pain to run its course without impediment. This provides an accelerated form of healing that will permit you to make clearer and more focused decisions and to carry on with the rest of your life in a more stable fashion.

We can allow the silence to heal us in many ways. I just have found that when it comes to relationship problems and matters, this technique is the one that can get the job done most quickly.

Here is a sweet quote by Alan Cohen that sheds light on relationship problems.

"Your problems cannot be solved at the same level of consciousness at which you perceive them. The answer is always on a higher level than the problem."