Setting and Achieving Goals: Relationship Cooperation, Unity and Connection

I get a great many messages from my readers saying things like," I love your suggestions in your articles on relationships and I want to practice them, but my partner doesn't want anything to do with it. Now what do I do? I have many interests and goals but my partner isn't helping."

This is the paradox of reality creation within relationships. The basic assumption must be that we are all One, indivisible and whole. This is the idea of Unity of Spirit, the concept that there can only be One Spirit, as It is omnipresent, that is, It is everywhere. There can't be an elsewhere than everywhere. Therefore, we are each aspects of this Universal Whole, permanently connected.

It is quite a paradox when we are trying to cope with the apparency of differing viewpoints and when setting and achieving goals. Thoughts point to how different we seem from one another. However, at our essence, we come from the same Source. In practical terms, this means that we will always have the same purpose. This purpose has to do with loving, learning, growing, all the basic things that we need to do in order to consciously connect with our Source again.

So, back to the original question, "Why won't my partner cooperate with me?". Okay, why won't you? Let's say that you are your partner, busily not cooperating with the goals you set, the plans, needs, wants, desires you want to achieve, etc. How come? Is it because you secretly just want to drive your other half nuts? As often as you might have concluded that this was the reason, you actually know better. You know better, and it is only ego that is keeping you apart and unknowing.

That's right. In a relationship that is the function of ego, to keep you separate. "This is me and that is thee and we shall not be the same." So at some level of your psyche, on the other side of the denial, you know just what your partner's reasoning is.

I'll give you some hints about how this might be working.

The idea you want your partner to cooperate will ultimately undermine his/her ego and she/he knows that you know it.

There is a part of you that is perfectly content with your existing situation and your partner is manifesting that.

Your requests for your partner's cooperation are actually a way of you asking for help in a way that won't endanger your ego.

These are only examples of how this might be working in your relationship. The bottom line though, is that if you assume that you're both working toward the same goal, even if that goal is breaking up, the answers will come more freely and make far more sense to you. What appears to be non-cooperation really isn't - at some level the two of you are cooperating perfectly. When you can bring this up to the level of consciousness, then you may begin to find ways of working together on the true goals of the relationship as you also set and achieve your own personal goals.


"We cannot live only for ourselves. A thousand fibers connect us with our fellow-men; and along those fibers, as sympathetic threads, our actions run as causes, and they come back to us as effects."

--Henry Melville