Single Relationship Counseling: Dealing with Rejection from a Bad Break Up

this quote helped, more than words can say: "The true measure of love is not loving someone so you will be loved back. It is letting go of the person you love so they will be free to love the one they choose." -- Lisa Lehmann. Thanx, Lola

Thanks for letting us know, Lisa. We agree. Beautiful...and wise.

That quote is wise but so hard to follow. I wish I would have had that insight months ago, but now feel ashamed and lack much self esteem, for relentlessy asking my lover to come back.

That quote rings true not only in relationships but also in helping other people. Be it volunteer work or just extending a helping hand in general. If You love or help just to be loved, it's neither love or help. Just self-help. A happy breakup can only come from letting go of someone who wants to move on. Deep down, what is the point of begging or forcing someone to be with you that wants something else?

i'm struggling after 2 months of being broken up from a 4 yr. relationship. it came as a shock but i should have known. she decided to go back to a guy she had an affair with 7 yrs. ago. i cant help but think that as my best friend and lover shes made the wrong choice, how can someone complain about my job and then go to someone without one? she was my life and i feel so hurt, i can't NOT talk to her (though everyone says i should). this article was kind of a help i guess. but i still can't believe it's over and unfortunately we still talk all the time!

Hi, Nate. Sounds like a tough one, but I'm confused. You say you cannot talk to her but you also say you talk all the time. Are you meaning you cannot talk to her about the hurt you're feeling?

My boyfriend of five years broke up with me. We work together and I took two weeks off to get myself together but I'm not able to handle to go back to work and face him. I feel so low and embarrassed that we will no longer do things together. I miss and love him so much. He wants to be set free to see other people and I really want to do this. But I can't seem to let him go. He really changed and he is not the same person I've known all these years. Why can't I let him go and how can I heal? Should I quit my job?

Relationships are so difficult. My girl and broke up after nearly four years. We had gotten so close and were young so we had grown up together. We said we'd be friends, that we'd help each other through this difficult time and stay friends always. It's only been a week and the more time goes on the more I feel the urge to move on and be by myself. We had a big fight about it today and I walked out. I thought I could help her and get over her at the same time but it's killing me. I still love her and I know she loves me but I'm slowly realizing that that doesn't necessarily mean that we work as a couple. I feel so bad and guilty that I'm being so cold her after we've been together so long and loved so much but I just pray I'm doing the right thing and that she can be happy again some day. In conclusion....love is easy, relationships are hard. My advice to guys and girls is always be honest about who you are upfront, don't change yourself for someone else, love requires sacrifice and compromise and hard work. I've seen others in and out of relationships and things do get better, life goes on, people move on, and the world keeps turning. I hope she doesn't hate me and one day sees that I had to follow my heart. P.s. music soothes the break up pains.

God! It hurts so much to find out the person of your dreams, the person who promised you the world, was cheating on you behind your back. I gave him everything, everything I had, and he was too much of a coward to tell me it wasn't enough. When will the pain end? I know I will get over it, but it feels like I am dying right now. He promised me he would be there to talk to me when I needed to talk, but every time I call him he doesn't answer. He's moved on to a life without me, without a single hesitation, while he left me behind to deal with all the shattered pieces of my heart. God I want to hate him so much but all I can think about is how much I love him and always will. Love sucks!

My fiancé and partner of eight years chose to leave me almost a month ago. I'm 25 now and we'd been together since we were 17. We grew up together and as I'm slowly starting to realize, we also grew apart in that time. Regardless of the infidelity that happened in our relationship, on her part and then eventually on mine, out of the 8yrs together we probably only enjoyed and loved each other's company for 5yrs. I could slowly see us drifting apart in the final 2yrs, I'm afraid that I made the effort too little too late. I found myself blaming her for not making any effort in improving major factors we discussed and slowly saw it affecting her socially and emotionally. Drinking and drug habits became out of control, and anything I said was an effort to control her and take her rights away from her. We would end up in massive nasty arguments. It got to the point where neither of us would actually say sorry for what nasty things were said, after we made up. Things started to fall apart, and after we were OK for a couple of months something didn't feel right. I was treated more like a distant acquaintance than a partner and it truly felt like love had gone, in both of our hearts. She was getting more depressed and I loved her so much, knowing she wasn't happy, I called her at work a month ago today and said, "Baby, tell me what's in your heart, are you truly happy with our relationship?" she replied "no" and started sobbing. I then said "I love you so much and I can't stand to see you so unhappy. Do you still want to be with me?" She started wailing down the phone and cried, "No my baby, I love you so much, but no I just can't anymore." This was unmistakably the hardest thing I have ever had to do. In my heart no matter how much I know it was right to give her the option she needed to hear, I will always regret it. She was my best friend, my lover and my companion But alas, now in the process of sorting out bill's, money, ownership of pets, cars etc. it has turned nasty mostly because I haven't let go. I couldn't stand the thought of her being at our newly single male friend's house. I found myself thinking various thoughts about their friendship and the convenient, timing of his breakup to his long term partner of 7 years. I rang them both furious that she was at his house for drinks 3 weeks after she broke it off and I blasted them, only to be told that I have no right to tell her who she can and can't be friends with. That statement is absolutely true mind you. I don't have any right, but that doesn't mean it hurt any less. Now we don't speak and are no longer friends. "Time is an aphrodisiac for anger," and I should have said nothing and kept to myself, but I couldn't let go. I've learned many things from my relationship and I will always love her as the bright bubbly 17yr old girl I grew up with. Slowly day by day I find the bad memories leaving me only to be replaced by great memories I'd forgotten. We will never speak again, as she will be leaving the country soon, and does not wish to have any contact with me. I regret that the last words spoken between us were words of hate and pain. I now find myself seeing my relationship for what it was, and I see I had much more to do with the failure than I first thought. So many things I wish I said. So many things I wish I had done.But you know what? It's finished now She is none of my business now, what she does and who she does it with, it's her life and I'm not a part of it anymore. It's definitely not easy friends but it's definitely for the best. If I loved her as much as I say I did and I did truly want her to be happy, then I have to let her go. I'm thankful for the time we had together, for all the memories we have created together, I still miss her terribly I think I always will. But no one can take those good times from our minds, I can be replaced by another man, but another man will never be able to replace me in those memories we created, I will always be there. It's true that memories fade, but you will never lose the ones that matter the most. She will always be with me where it matters the most, in my heart, mind and my soul. People were right, things do get better in time, and things are starting to look up. For anyone going through this remember, Just because you can't see them with your eyes, it doesn't mean you can't have them in your heart. Someone else is feeling your pain, even if it's on the other side of the world. That other person maybe your soul mate. But you'll never know if you don't hang around to find out! I hope this has helped someone out there. Just talking about it like this has helped me. Thank you.

I am kind of in the same boat as well, but not really. I was with my GF for almost 5 years. We were like best friends and did everything together. We were just about to sign for a home together when **** hit the fan. She found a "questionable" website on my computer. I was looking at naked girls when I wasn't able to be with her. She was a competitive athlete and we didn't live together. She was very upset about the site and said she considered me cheating on her for looking at those girls on the website. I never was in contact with these girls; I just used the site for visual stimulation. I told her I wasn't proud of myself for it, but also felt judged since some girls don't see how this kind of stuff can be looked at differently by guys and girls. Anyhow, she continued to then tell me she didn't feel like I treated her like she was #1 in my life. She wanted some space. I gave her the space, but we also would talk every now and then. Talking would feel so good, and then I would hit rock bottom, because I wasn't her BF anymore. She finally told me that she still loved me very much and missed me and even considered me as her soul mate. But she didn't feel she could work on the relationship, because there had been too much hurt built up. It's been around 3 months since the break. Three weeks of not talking. I'm still having a really hard time. I didn't see this coming and had no idea she wasn't happy in the relationship. I'm getting to the anger stage of healing since, I don't understand how we could be so close and love each other, but she isn't willing to give the relationship some work and at the least try and get counseling. She just gave up. I have a feeling it's going to take me a long time to let her go and move on with my life, since I had planned on marrying her. My life changed completely so quickly. It's very overwhelming, and I wish there was an easy way of getting better.

I don't know if anyone still reads this post, but this quote helped me a bit. I'm 17 years old and just got out of an 11 month relationship. It was the most amazing 11 months of my life, even in the bad times, the good times made everything worth it. You all may be thinking "stupid kid doesn't know anything," and maybe I don't. But I do know that I am hurting.

Hi Jonathan. The hurt you are feeling now will pass with time as you move forward with your life. It is good that you are dealing with your hurt feelings in a positive way.

I just broke up with my boyfriend. It is awful. I found out he was looking to move to another state far away from where we are now. He asked me to go with him, but I realized that he was going to go there with or without me, and it hurt. He said to think about it. But as I thought about it, I knew that even if I didn't go, he would, which means he was willing to lose me. I am now regretting doing it and have called and emailed, but he won't get back to me.

My boyfriend of 11 months recently ended things. I had a feeling things were going downhill, but I wasn't quite ready to let it go. I am hurting very badly, but I need to be honest with my feelings and understand that he may not have been the one for me. I feel rejected, because I wish that he would have fought harder for us to make it work. I don't know how I'm going to get past this, but I am going to try to be strong. I hurt physically from the pain and writing this is somewhat therapeutic. I want love in my life and am very sad to see things end. Please respond if you have had a similar circumstance. What process did you use to heal? I feel like I am coping with a death and need to grieve properly.

I saw all kinds of signs of distance, hiding while on the phone, no returning calls, lying, and using me. He would have continue to use me if I had allowed it. He was holding on to me for what reason? I confronted him on how he was acting towards me. He said that's how I am. I'm a jerk. I said I know you. You want the bad girl. He said nobody was ever that nice to him, and I scared him. He said he is not good on things like, having a nice woman. He is use to grief. He called me up drunk, and left a message on how bad he treated me, and he was feeling really bad about what he did. He was sorry. So, I called him up when I knew he was sober. I did not get the same treatment from him when sober. He said he didn't remember what he said. He laughed at me when I tried to tell him that he did not care about how I felt. If he is always going to act like that he will be going through woman like water. It was such a big joke to him. We did not part on good terms. He crushed me. What a *******. He has a heart of stone. He will treat the next one like that too. I said open your eyes, and look at the good things you have in front of you. His response was, "I was told that before." It is not me, it is him. If he continues to be like that to everyone, he will die an old lonely regretful man. He only had courage from a bottle. What a mouse, not a man to call me when drunk. He has major problems that run deep. He started crying when I told him I don't take back burner to anybody. He was corresponding to another woman, and was undecided on who he wanted to see. Not this woman. I said go for it. Nobody will ever get anywhere with this one. Wow and whew, never saw that dark side. But I am human and did have feelings for him, and I looked at him in a different way. It is good that I seen it now before I had more invested in the relationship. Shame on him.

Well, I was engaged to be married. She is such a wonderful person. Problem is that she is more devoted to her mother than to me. That's why we split up. I didn't really have a choice or say in the matter anyway. We had a fight, god even knows what it was about, both were mean to each other. I go to the football game with my dad thinking all the while I'll come home and we'll talk, but no she went and told her mom "Todd's drunk all the time and mean to me," which of course is just a little exaggerated. Well good old mom told her to leave, so when I got home there was the ring. Now I know that I should be mad, but I truly miss her and hope she'll call me even just to talk. I look at my phone every 5 minutes to check Myspace. She deleted me from her friends of course. All the time, I thought every day it's supposed to get easier for me. Though, I feel like it hurts more and more everyday. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. I just miss my friend.

Hi Todd, I am sure that you miss her very much. It sounds like she doesn't want contact with you right now. It may be best not to push the issue. If she wants to save the relationship she will get in touch with you. It is hard to move in a new direction at first. You could just leave something up in your online space to let her know you are thinking of her. She may come and visit it.

This quote and article has been of immense help to me. I've just found out that my husband of 11 years has been cheating on me. The bottom has fallen out of my world and the pain is overwhelming. He has said that he is sorry for what he has done. He doesn't love the other woman it was just sex, and wishes he could undo what he has done and make things right. He doesn't know why he tried to contact the woman again, but something inside me has changed. Being with him feels wrong, painful, uncomfortable, and just wrong. I love him desperately, and I know that I always will, but I don't feel safe with him. We have children, so breaking up is hard and right. Now I still don't know what I am going to do. I am taking life one day at a time and hoping that soon my aching heart will mend and I will be able to move on with my life.

Thank you for the reply it has helped. My biggest issue now is my in ability to chat up or communicate with a girl again for fear of rejection, or not being liked. I can stand next to a girl I like, and I don't know what to say. So I just do nothing, and lose out time and time again and that tears me apart as well.

Hi Andya, it is OK if you are shy. You are aware of the problem and are willing to work on it. That means you are half way there. I would not worry about rejection too much. People are rejected or dismissed many times within a day. What is the worst that can happen if you ask someone out and they say no. Not much really, other than they said no for their own reasons. People say no because: They are not interested in you. They are in a relationship already. They are worried you wouldn't really like them (their own form of insecurity) They worry about what others might think or say. They don't want a relationship with anyone at this particular time in their life. They are too shy to accept They want to feel things out a bit first Why would you be upset or disappointed because someone felt any of the things above. They are all valid honest reasons. You may have felt and acted on some of the above yourself. Please don't be too upset with others or yourself for reacting or feeling like any of the above. Let your fear go. We are all just people. We have all been rejected in some way by someone. When you are in a conversation with a girl be positive and talk about things that are of interest to you. Make sure you ask her about herself and her likes and dislikes. If she just rattles on about herself and never asks any questions that would allow her to get to know you better, don't ask her out. She is not interested in you. You just had a conversation, broke the ice and found out she was not interested in you personally without having to ask her out.

After almost 3 years of a long distance relationship, where I would travel to see her in Chicago from Los Angeles at least every 6 weeks, she calls it off. I had finally planned to move back and be there by May, she broke up with me in February. She was the only person that I have had a relationship with where we connected mentally and physically on all levels. She became a pessimist after about 2 years. I could never understand it. We'd try to talk about it, but she wouldn't talk. The break-up came in the form of an email while I was returning to Los Angeles after just visiting her. I haven't heard her voice since I was there, she refuses to talk to me on the phone. No emails, no texts. I know that I deserve better, but I think I deserve some answers, not excuses as to why she wanted to end it. Very frustrating to think that I should be there in Chicago and not here after I had decided to change my life to be with this woman. I am 39 and she is 37. I just can't help but think that this behavior is more like junior high, than high school, just not very adult.

Hi Tony, It is sad that she didn't see fit to give you a reason for ending the relationship. You do deserve better. It is however her decision to make. We can't change people and have them do what we would like. It is time to move forward in your own life and respect her decision to end the relationship.

Hi, My fiancee and I broke up 5 months ago. She was pregnant last fall and we were very happy, I know she was. After her surgery for an ectopic pregnancy, things got very tough. I knew how hard things were going to be for her, and I said to myself and her that I would be there for her. Looking back, I wasn't there for her like she needed. I'm not saying that out of guilt but just the fact that I didn't communicate with her, or her me, the way we should have. Things got cold and I pulled away as she did from me. I thought we would work through it, but she said something was gone and it scared her. Well that scared me more than anything. We were so much in love before this and it was her and me together for always, not one ounce of doubt in my mind. I couldn't picture life with out her and she said and meant the same. When she moved back to her parents she told me that while we were pulling apart someone else "swept her away". She did not physically cheat on me in any way. She said she loves me and is unsure if she isn't messing up both of our lives. She said she needed to take the chance, and would accept the consequences if she could. Like most chumps who get dumped I begged pleaded cried. She never saw me do that in our 3 year relationship. Now we correspond by email only. As far as she knows I am getting on with my life and doing better. She said recently in an email that she misses my family and me and in the email before that, that she still has a tendency to cry. I don't ask her anything personal because I need to start protecting and looking after myself, and I can't deal with the thought or answers I would get of her with someone else. It just doesn't seem possible. I don't want to sound dramatic and believe it or not, before her, I didn't think I was capable of feeling this bad, although it is a bit better I guess? I know I can't make her comeback and I'm trying to get my head to explain to my heart that it is over forever. Here's what I need advice or help with people: I've never been in love like this before, and I logically don't see how I can be truly happy again with out her. Time heals, you'll meet someone else respectively, does not seem to apply to me. She was my one. How do you move on from someone you love more than anything? Without sounding "special," I honestly feel that 99% of people who break up did not love their other as much as I did. The other 1% could not have loved theirs more. That's just the way it is, believe me or not. Girls, what do you think is going on in her head? If I can't be with her, I at least want to know that she will be Ok, and she won't keep crying. Her hurting still hurts me. I've been dating casually and a couple of the girls I have been with are very attractive. My friends say much more attractive than my ex. But I can't quit thinking of her and can't give any of the girls "me", because she still has me. It's like I can't move on and can't go back. Life in limbo I guess. Anything would help people, I'm not doing well with this situation, but I want to get on with my life. I just don't know how to.

Yesterday I made the decision to end things with an incredible person that Ive dated for 9 months but have known for 4 years. Simply put she didn't 'love me' like I did. After 9 months, I expected her to be on the same page as I and she wasn't. I know exactly what I want out of life and a relationship, and she simply can't provide it. It's sad and we're both upset about it, but what should I do? Should I wait for another 9 months, or invest more time and risk that she'll never feel that way about me? I'm afraid if I do that then I'll grow to resent her, and she's too great of a person for me to do that. Do you have any suggestions?

Hi Paul, it sounds like you have put a great deal of thought into things before you made your decision. No one knows what the future out come would have been. A person cannot live in a world of what if this or what if that. You based your decision on what you know to be true.

My girlfriend of 5 years moved away for work 2 years ago. She said she would finish her project and come back, after 4 months she told me she no longer wanted to with with me. I went through the hardest time of my life, quit my job, moved away the works for almost 6 months, 6 months later she tried to come back to my life, she would cry and abuse me everyday to get back together. She was not ready to move back to my life but did not want me to leave her. I changed my phone number and went to see my family, she followed me there as she had family in the same area. I was hooked again. Almost a year passed, we would be on and off, with her venting her failure in her work to me, as she wanted to be with me once her career goals were met. About 3 weeks ago, I called and asked her if she wanted to get back if I moved to be with her, she said after all the push and pull she gave me for so many years, even up to 2 months ago, that she did not want this anymore. I feel like I was so stupid, so blind and all over I'm hurt again. I don't know why I went through this twice, maybe it was love, maybe she just knew how to push my buttons, she always said I was the reason for her failure. I feel like now she is finally where she wants to be, and I have been rejected again. It hurts to know that someone you grew up with, made plans for a future, looked after, could be so selfish. I feel like a victim of abuse, my self esteem and my confidence has never been so low. I hope this time around I find the strength to say NO. I have decided to get counseling, since I think the last 7 years I have been battered.

Hi Mike, I think you are making a good decision by going to counseling. She sounds like someone who doesn't know what she wants or needs in life and has learned to project her problems on to others. You deserve to have a healthy relationship where you give and also receive from your partner.

My boyfriend and I broke up a few months ago on our second Anniversary. I was working abroad for a few weeks and I realized that I wanted us to move in or get engaged because I was so unhappy living in our country. I was to on the verge of a breakdown. I had been bullied at work, had a nightmare neighbor etc. and was reevaluating my life. Basically I had reached a crossroads in my life and it was either going to be with or without him. It wasn't the first time we had that conversation but it became the last. He chose to split up. I was so angry and hung up on him. I felt he was taking the easy way out and was willing to lose me because of his insecurity. He was a 34 year old jobless virgin when I met him. Women laughed at him, and he wasn't considered particularly handsome, and he had never had a girlfriend. Though he now has a job, he still lives with his parents. I'm very attractive, independent and 29, I've had a few boyfriends. So, we were an odd couple from the start really but I gave him the chance. Well the break up was fine, I feel it had to happen. After I hung up on him I apologized immediately, via text as I was in a very rural area and couldn't call back. I explained I was angry and over next day or two I text him how sad I was feeling about the possibility of us breaking up, and why I felt the way I did. Well, I never heard his voice again. One day later he text messaged me that he was sure he wanted to break up. I suggested we meet up face to face when I return to part properly as we had been together for two yrs, and it was stupid to end things via text when one of us was thousands of miles away. One more day later he sent a text and said no, he thinks a clean break is best for both of us therefore that is the last text he will send to me and the last he will read from me. And that, my friends, was the end of a two year relationship in which we had met each others families. My two yr. old nephew was always asking about him. I returned to my country three weeks later and have heard absolutely nothing from him since. The break up is not a problem. He was driving me nuts to be perfectly honest. It is the way he allowed it to happen badly. He apparently told his friends that he had phrased the texts to me in such a way that I would know the relationship was definitely over and he would not give me false hope. Excuse me, like I was stalking him or something? Yeah OK maybe part of me was fantasizing about stalking him a little bit to get him back for treating me with such cruelty and contempt. I have binned takeaway cartons with more care than he treated me. I am left feeling bad, not least because as I met him my life went downhill and I lost my job, have a nasty neighbor who moved in, studies went awry, and my finances are in chaos. His went up, great job, post grad. diploma, plenty of money. I just feel so hurt at how I was treated. I started off thinking I was going out with a sweet caring man who would always respect me and I'm now left looking back seeing only a man who was cruel, selfish, controlling and took the easy way out every time. I just feel so sad.

Hi, Guinevere you will go on to find someone else. He was the wrong person for you. It was lucky for you that you found out before things got even more complicated. Treat yourself well during this time of healing. The anger will pass as well. It is best not to dwell on what could have been and start dreaming about what you want out of life and move toward that.

My girlfriend of 16 years informed me of someone else. I am 57 and she 60. My heart is devastated. We have been through thick and thin, up and down and now this other guy, of only two dates and several phone conversations, she told me, has captured her interest. The point she has said that if she tells him to wait, he may be gone and she does not want to take that chance and lose a nice guy that makes her feel good. All I hear is you did it, despite her assurances all along up to now, that she would never see someone while in a relationship. I laid out my heart to her, and begged her to reconsider and give us a second chance, counseling, so that we can marry. Long story of issues with her daughter living with her. She has for years suffered from bipolar, anxiety and sporadic depression, and I have experienced the repercussions of her not taking her medications. As she is in denial of the need for them. It was only a matter of two weeks ago and everything seemed OK or as usual. And it has come to this. I am now on medication myself and will see a counselor for help.

Continued from above: I realized now I made a big mistake in not meeting my partners needs. I was waiting for signs of affection, or that she cared enough for us, to make me feel wanted and I would of done anything. I was selfish and overcome with guilt. Now in all probability I will lose her.

I really need help, I don't know who to turn to, I have no one. My ex fiance of 4 years left me. Last year he got another woman pregnant, and I forgave him and took him back. But this past year he's been seeing her on and off. But I stayed, not only because I'm now pregnant, but because I love him. And I've tried to make it work, and it was going well these past 4 months. He was always with me suddenly he just started leaving until 3am sometimes all night. It's too much, I can't stop thinking of everything. I never sleep and haven't for a week, everything I eat comes right back up, and not just because I'm pregnant. I've tried talking to family and friends but it only makes things worse. I need some real advice. How do I let him go? I don't want to bring my daughter into this situation. How do I get over him?

Hi Melissa, you need to be strong for yourself and your child. You do know what you need to do. Talking to others will help as you need a support group of friends right now and it can be of help not to just keep it all inside yourself. Make a list of what you do want out of life and a list of ways that can help you get there and start moving in that direction instead of stewing on what could be. If you love him and he is to you worth going through everything for then so be it. If not then you need to get honest and move forward.

I am hurting so bad. I loved my girlfriend with all my heart. We were together for four years and for no reason Labor Day weekend she broke up with me. I can say in the past I was not the best at relationships but I loved her so much and did all I could to give her the best of me. I have alienated all my friends and family in this relationship and now I am all alone.

I'm not very communicative guy. The girl I like is also not very communicative. There is another guy who likes her and he is an extrovert. We had to arrange a function together. He talks with her a lot. I got and opportunity to talk with her on the day of the function, and we spoke well for some time and while talking I encouraged her to go on the stage and host a show. She did it and in the end she asked for my phone number. I gave it to her. Then we all 5-7 of us went out to have beverages, and I even saw her staring at me one or twice. And when I saw her back she moved her eyes. Then after that she went to her room, and we had a dance party. So I called her up and told her to come as she did not know about it, she came to the party and thanked me for calling. She said, "Thank you for calling me." And we text message on the phone regularly. She also replies to most of my messages. I saw her once and also text messaged her, "she replied and said we should have met and talked." We usually message each other and our message includes all proverbs on life and simple things what we do and so on. One message she sent me was on the the topic that how should people love you. The main problem is the other guy. The girl I like and the other guy stay very nearby and went out hiking alone with each other or with a group which I am not sure of but they went hiking. I don't know what is going on between the going on between them. The problem is does this girl think of me as a friend or would she like me as a boyfriend? Please help me. I don't know what to do.

I just ended things with my boyfriend of eleven years. He has two kids with another women, and we have a son together. Our biggest issue is the fact that he wants both worlds. He says that he loves me, and I honestly believe that he does but he can't seem to let go of the other kids mother? I gave him an a choice to either let her go or I was going to leave and he promised me that it was over with her. I found out that he was lying. I feel like I'm dying at this point. I can't eat, sleep, focus on work or school I don't know what to do! I told him not to call me or send me emails, but I find myself checking my emails and sitting waiting by my phone to see if he calls. I also find myself finding excuses to have to call his mom's house to see if he's there or she says something about him. I know that the best thing for us is to let go because of all the hurt and anger that we have towards each other, but I need help making it happen. I just don't know how to deal with him when it comes to my son. I think that I will never get over him if he has to call me to ask about our one year old son should I just keep my son from him until he gets older? Please any suggestions.

Is there a way to heal from feeling like someone took everything from you. I feel emotionally drained. My ex and I broke up a few weeks ago and he wants to be friends and I've been having to deal with him acting like he used to when we were together. Those times I felt happy and felt like things make sense and others for example calling me over to do a massage for him or dye his hair then ditching me for the bar. He then called me in the early hours to come over. I love him and always have done everything for him. Making sure that I was near perfection and that he couldn't be happier. Now I feel useless and don't know how to react or to deal with this anymore. This entire relationship was built around making him happy and doing everything for him now things have changed and I don't know what to do anymore. Someone please help.