Women's Relationship Advice - Cheating in Relationships

A topic of advice for women is the whole issue of cheating while in a relationship. A concerned reader sent me this message, "I'm married, but I've fallen in love with someone else...". I receive quite a few messages like this. Usually, the message goes on to describe the difficulties involved with the new loved one and asking for advice about what to do to improve this relationship. Many of us have experienced some version of this situation, whether we choose to pursue it or not.

Although one's attention may be on the new loved one, in metaphysics we always look for underlying causes of difficult situations. The most obvious underlying cause in this situation is that there is a problem with the marriage. In order to move forward with a new relationship, it's necessary to resolve pending issues with a current one. There are moral questions here certainly, but from a practical, metaphysical point of view there's even more involved than that.

We can't run away from our problems. Whatever the situation may be with the existing relationship, unless it's dealt with we will carry the same difficulty forward into a new one. Metaphysically, this is our problem, and we have attracted the environmental circumstances which mirror it. Until we deal with the problem within ourselves, we will continue to attract similar circumstances anywhere we go whether we choose to cheat in our current relationship or not.

So, what needs to happen? There are two basic solutions that I'm aware of. Either repair the current relationship or bring it to closure. The pragmatic nature of either of these solutions is rarely attractive however. This is because they lack the thrill and excitement of operating outside of our usual boundaries. In my experience, this can be part of the problem. We have perceived that our current relationship lacks excitement, or is no longer interesting. Although many advice columns recommend that we "spice up" the relationship with sexy underwear or something along that line, this doesn't address the metaphysical cause of the issue. If our current relationship has become boring, it's because we are bored with ourselves. At some point we have assigned power over our level of interest in life to our partner and abdicated it for ourselves. This tendency causes us to look for a different partner who will provide interest for us. Eventually of course, we will see that the new partner cannot provide non-stop stimulation either. In actual fact, no one can. It's our level of interest, therefore we are responsible for it.

Perhaps there is something unendurable in the current relationship, such as abuse. What then? We are still seeking satisfaction from the outside instead of within ourselves. We may be viewing the new partner as a rescuer, someone who will bring closure for us. This rarely works either because then we're attempting to have someone else provide closure for us. Our difficulty with closure has not been resolved, and tends to pursue us in other relationships until it is .

A metaphysical approach to relationships isn't complex, though it can be difficult to confront. In metaphysics we are taking responsibility for our own lives and our own inner needs. The temptation to cheat in the relationship is indicative that there is something within us that is depending upon another to provide satisfaction. As spiritual beings, this is completely unnecessary.


The best index to a person's character is how he treats people who can't do him any good and how he treats people who can't fight back.

--Abigail Van Buren, Relationship Advisor