When Nothing Seems to Work - Help Kids Identify Their Motivation

You have probably already read the best way to define motivation for your teenager is by example. But what if you have been being a great example all over the place and your kid still won't put their foot forward? There are some steps you can take to first re-evaluate the situation, and then there are some choices for you to make.

First examine your expectations and see if maybe they are too high. Here's some teen parenting advice- It could be that your child is rebelling against an ideal that you have for them that doesn't go along with anything that they want to do. This is entirely possible, because many times parents have way different expectations for their children than either is realistic or-more importantly-what the child wants.

Perhaps you've seen the television series called "Made." It's about teenagers who want more than anything to be a dancer, a rapper, or something that for whatever reason, they aren't motivated to do on their own. The program provides everything from voice coaches to confidence coaches and encourages these teens to meet and exceed their own expectations of themselves. It's a very powerful motivator just to watch, better than an active parenting workshop to see what makes teens tick.

I told you that to tell you this: ask your kids what it is that they want to achieve more than anything in their lives right now. Not what their plans for the future are but what they would do if they could do anything right now-and then do your very best to help them meet that goal. They've designed it themselves, and achieving that goal with motivation is just the beginning to realizing that they can do anything that they are motivated to do. What a great way to define motivation for your child.

By Dana 2008-04-11 16:47:25

Since my 15 year old daughter was little, she has wanted to be a majorette. I have spent many years and lots of money on lessons, etc to help her meet this goal. She is only 4'9" and is very petite and small. Next month is the time that try outs are to be held for the high school majorette line and we already have had private lessons to help to develop a routine for her to perform. Now, she is getting cold feet and doesn't want to try out at all. She does have some self esteem issues being so small, and is terrified of getting in front of crowds. My big question - Should I insist that she try out against her will or should I work with her to find another activity that she would be more interested in. I know that even if I make her try out, I can't make her like it and therefore it will be a very stressful year for both of us.

By Deb 2008-04-11 16:49:25

Hi Dana, You know your daughter better than anyone else. I would follow my heart on this one. At least the decision will be made with great thought and lots of love.

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