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Power of Love: Relationship Transformation

The power of love is often spoken of in movies and books but few of us have a real understanding of the true power of love in transforming relationships and in transforming ourselves.

I always get a chuckle when I remember the truism: Men marry women thinking they will never change. Women marry men thinking about how they can change them. The truth is that all relationships and interactions with others change us. We are interactive creatures that learn from experience. And the strongest experience that we have is our relationships with other people.

A baby learns trust and love by having parents or caregivers that express love and dependability. Thus the chain of love and trust begins to build. Each interaction teaches us to either trust or not trust . . .to feel loved or not give love or not give love.

The miracle of love and transformation is that if we approach all people with love, we begin to manifest greater and greater love and trust in our lives. Even greater is the miracle of the impact that another person's love can have on the recipient. If a person has learned to not trust and has a sense of not being loved in his or her life, being the recipient of unconditional love will begin a chain reaction that changes one's perception. The length of time for change depends upon how much trauma or hurt one has experienced over time but slowly each link in the chain that leads back to birth is transmuted and forged into a new learned behavior of love and compassion.

This projection of love from our inner soul to an outward source works in all situations. You hear many stories of rescued pound animals who have been mistreated horribly but when adopted and placed in an environment of love, heal and eventually become the most loyal and loving of pets. A child when traumatized can only be healed by love. And the reality is, no one does something horrible unless something horrible has been done to him or her. Today if you wish to break the chain of anger and hurt in relationships, you begin by loving others.

It sounds difficult and it is because it means changing a thought process that is ingrained and automatic because of constant repetition. However, emotions are behaviors and like all behaviors can be transformed. It is possible to be done instantaneously by epiphany and spiritual transformation. This is the lesson of Saul on the Road to Damascus who was struck by the light of God and became transformed into Paul. This is the story of many that die and return to this life transformed. This is the story of conversion. One practice that really helps facilitate this self-transformation is meditation and the use of affirmation. Another is participation in a support group that fosters developing positive self-esteem or positive relationships. Individual therapy is wonderful if it is spirit centered. One of my favorite affirmations is I attract and accept love in my life.

When dealing with others, it is often easy to be captured into nonloving behaviors because of very sophisticated manipulation by the person you wish to love. When one learns that life is dangerous or unloving, one works hard to maintain this reality. You know exactly what I mean if you think about the times people you have been involved with know the right buttons to push to make you strike out in anger. (This is the classic passive-aggressive manifestation.) The one way past this barrier to giving and receiving love is to have a rescue remedy on hand. An affirmation used as a rescue remedy is practiced and used constantly so that it will be evoked almost unconsciously when you are placed in a stressful or uncomfortable situation.

If you watch your body language when someone pushes your buttons you might notice that your hands clench up almost like a fist, your body tenses, your jaw gets stiff and so forth. If you just open your hands and hold them loosely palms up you will feel an immediate release of tension. Couple this with thinking the words "I love you" directed at the person who has made you angry and you increase even more the stress reduction and body language changes. Add a dose of visualization where you see a beautiful rose colored light emanating from your heart toward the heart of the person who has evoked this feeling in you and you have a triple powered love potion that will transform the moment and over time transform the relationship...any relationship.

You never have to say a word out loud to a person for this to work. It works at work. It works with children. It works with parents. It works with police officers. It works with anyone. Try it and experience the change in yourself. And, over time, if you continue to do this you will find that all of your relationships are transmuted into compassionate, loving and trustworthy experiences. As you change, thus your relationships are changed.

This beautiful story about the powers found in love was written by Myriam Ruthchild de Serna-Maytorena, M.Ed.